Happy Spring, Y'all! Hopefully, no more snow!
1. On a TV presenter getting a death sentence for sorcery:
"They finally got his Lucky Charms!"
2. On Pittsburgh University Police investigating painted chickens.
"Is this worse than choking the chicken?"
3. On a man finding a cold intruder in bed with him:
"Seriously, the least an intruder could do is warm up before jumping in a stranger's bed, right?"
4. On the Tennessee senate saying that birds and fish are OK in a barbershop:
"Could you take a little off of my gills, please?"
5. On the world's shortest man dying in Italy:
"Apparently, somebody accidentally knocked over some table salt ..."