Can't believe Christmas is over and we're about ready to start a new year ... time flies ... sigh.
1. On the wife of a chief minister filling in an application for a loan to buy onions:
"These onions must really make one cry ..."
2. On someone sculpting a "disgusting" snow penis in Indiana:
"Man, what a dick!"
3. A drunk motorist over 32 times the legal alcohol limit was arrested, and was found to have 15 sheep in his car:
"I'm betting the charges will be really 'baaaaad.'"
4. On a study that reports that two thirds of colleges maintain speech codes that violate students' First Amendment rights:
"This research must have been done in one of the remaining 1/3's of the colleges ..."
5. A man wearing a Bob Dylan backstage pass who ordered 178 pizzas from a Massachusetts pizza parlor but never picked them up has agreed to hand over the dough:
"I'm wondering what other 'pranks' this mental midget had in his deplorably tiny cranium."