Here's to hoping 2011 is a safe and happy one to all.
1. On Mississippi's governor agreeing to free two sisters who served 16 years of a double life sentence for an armed robbery in which nobody was hurt and $11 was stolen:
"They must've been democrats ..."
2. On a Swedish man's penis being amputated after a misdiagnosis:
"He later called the doctor a dick."
3. On the leader of the South African Communist Party accusing poultry manufacturers of racism:
"But he claims they are too 'chicken' to step forward and admit it ..."
4. On Milwaukee, Wisconsin being voted America's drunkest city:
"Well, their baseball team is called 'the Brewers.'"
5. On a report by AAA that 1 in 10 people have driven drunk:
"Wine coolers don't count, do they?"
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