More and more snow in Philly ... snowmen think it's cold!
1. On A 15-year-old boy suing a local golf course for $3 million after he was hit in the eye by his own golf ball:
"The lady who sued McDonalds because the coffee was hot thinks this is a stupid lawsuit."
2. On Italian scientists claiming to have demonstrated cold fusion:
"Didn't Mountain Dew already demonstrate this?"
3. On researchers studying monkeys when they're drunk and comparing them to drunk humans:
"This would've been a great science project in middle school!"
4. On a teacher being arrested for allowing his second graders to have sex in the classroom:
"Times tables are overrated!"
5. On Keith Olbermann signing off of MSNBC for the last time:
"Hopefully, this was an agreement with him and Rush Limbaugh to both sign off at the same time ..."
Writer’s Workshop: Up To No Good
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