Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day with lots of grillin' and lots of "beverages."
1. On police arresting a teen they say broke into a high school after hours and released a bag of crickets:
"I'm just hoping they weren't 'crotch crickets.'"
2. On two high teachers being placed on paid administrative leave this week after a parent complained that they distributed classroom materials that gave advice on how to deal with police if stopped:
"First piece of advice - don't say, 'I smell bacon!'"
3. On police pulling over a mother with two kids in her car for allegedly driving drunk with a blood-alcohol level of 0.39:
"The late Ted Kennedy thinks she was too drunk to drive ..."
4. On a man being arrested for robbing someone at the Family Dollar.
"He almost made off with another to get on the bus ..."
5. On an intoxicated man interrupting a memorial service at a funeral home before passing out in the visitation room:
"Hey ... burp! What does a guy have to do for a beer around here?"