Thank goodness for air-conditioning!!!!
1. On incidents of drunkenness plummeting since Budweiser became the only alcohol available at the World Cup:
"See, I knew the South Africans had good taste!"
2. On a man being jailed for making a bubble with his gum in court:
"BP is considering using this as a solution for the gulf oil mess ..."
3. On Joran van der Sloot's Mom claiming her son is not a murderer:
"Oh, I didn't realize she had another son besides Joran ..."
4. On a man calling 911 because the stripper he ordered off of Craigslist was too old:
"Looks like we have another great candidate for congress!"
5. On a report that pot smoking can worsen schizophrenia:
"In an unrelated report, lots of drinking can worsen driving ..."