Heckuva season, Flyers! Thanks for the memories!
1. On an off-duty Chicago cop who was caught on video downing five shots before getting into his car and killing two people having charges dropped:
"Really, something underhanded going on in Chicago?!?!? Next thing you'll tell me is that water is wet!"
2. On seven seniors at a Southern California high school facing disciplinary action for participating in a game called "Beat the Jew" in which losers were subjected to "incineration" or "enslavement:"
"Apparently, the ring leader was named 'Bob' Hitler ..."
3. On a judge extending workers compensation for a Montana man after ruling that while smoking marijuana before feeding grizzly bears is "ill advised" and "mind-bogglingly stupid," it was not a "major factor" in his mauling:
"However, the 85 boxes of Twinkees he was eating may have been a culprit ..."
4. On a gym telling a woman that she's too fat for workout equipment:
"Interesting use of reverse psychology ..."
5. On the FDA to start enforcing standards on what constitutes "virgin" and "extra-virgin" olive oil.
"Sounds like something that should be displayed on Cinemax After Dark ..."
May the Force be with Matt Klentak
4 hours ago