OK, I think I've had enough of winter .... UNCLE!!!!
1. On a Colorado man who says he belongs to the THC Ministry and he's being prosecuted for Mariauna usage which is really only for religious purposes:
"Now rise for the bucket of fried chicken sacrament ..."
2. On a burglary suspect who was unable to get away from police despite using a pedal boat ... oh yeah, and he was also wearing only boxers:
"If Michael Jackson were still alive, he'd think this guy was kooky."
3. On a woman being caught with over 100 pounds of pot in her car.
"Ummm ... officer, you wouldn't happen to have any Cheetoh's, would ya?"
4. On a police officer being arrested on charges he raped a woman in custody and offered to release another woman if she exposed herself to the officer:
"Wait, Tiger Woods is now a cop?"
5. On CBS rejecting a gay-relationship Super Bowl ad:
"Somewhere in the world, Dick Cheney is smiling ... maybe that would be in the CBS studios?"