Fast Food, My A$$!

I’ve gone on a fast-food rant in the past, but it had to deal with drive-thru’s. Well, I got one for when actually ordering inside a fast food restaurant. My wife and I went to KFC on Sunday because we were in the mood for some “finger-lickin’.” Service was predictably slow, and there was a long line – it took us about 20 minutes to get our food – fast food, my a$$.

However, that’s not what my rant is about. There were these three older ladies in front of us, and they too had to wait in line. One would think that whilst in line, you would generally look up at the menu and get a general idea of what you want. Nope, not these mental midgets. They looked at the menu as if it was printed in Chinese, and they couldn’t get the handle of the “intricate” value meal numbering provided by KFC. Fast food companies “invented” this so that it would be easier to order. However, to some, there is absolutely nothing that could make ordering easy.

The first lady asked if the “Number 1 chicken breast meal” included a chicken breast. I kid you not. After the cashier informed her that it did indeed include a chicken breast, he asked her what sides she wanted. You would’ve thought the guy asked her to take pi to the 23rd digit. She was flabbergasted, and for a time, I thought she was going to pass out … no such luck. The second lady faired even worse, ordering the number 5, and when asked if she wanted a thigh or a leg, I could hear gurgling originating in her head. It was much the same with the third lady.

On the way home from KFC, my wife proclaimed that these ladies, in their advanced age, had to have gone to a fast food restaurant prior to this, and if they can’t order by this time, they shouldn’t be allowed back. I wondered out loud if there was some sort of training available for customers who are incapable of placing orders at fast food restaurants.

D'Oh!

The Simpsons Movie comes out this Friday …. No, not another documentary about the whole O.J. saga, but the one on the cartoon that features that loveable dad, and the son who constantly says “Ay-Caramba.” Obviously, the Simpsons are much more than that, and have been a large part of our fabric as a country (planet?) for a very long time.

I remember (as most of you probably do) when the Simpsons were just a small segway on the Tracey Ullman show back in the mid-to-late 1980’s. They were funny, and hip, but who would’ve thought then that they could become what they have now? I certainly didn’t. I didn’t think the show could possibly be stretched to ½ hour. I was proven wrong when they released their first Christmas (or holiday) special, prior to the actual tv show – the one where they end up adopting Santa’s Little Helper. I remember being so excited, and couldn’t wait to watch the special.

I became a huge Simpsons fan early on – watching the tv show every Sunday night (in addition to watching Married … With Children). I kept to this ritual for quite a few years, and though I’m not as hard-core about the Simpsons as I once was, I know that I can turn the show on anytime and get a good laugh (I’m much more partial to Family Guy at this point than I am to the Simpsons).

I’ll probably go out and see the movie at some point, and I bet it will be very successful. I’ve already had one friend contact me and ask me to go see it on Friday (opening night) – that is one thing I won’t do. I guess I’m getting too old (crotchety), because I really just don’t feel like dealing with the crowd … Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the Simpsons movie is more than worth it, but it’s just not something I feel like subjecting myself to.

Anyway, I just wanted to gauge what your thoughts, feelings, memories, or favorite Simpsons moments are … if you have any.

Why Do Some Weekends Have To End?

You ever have one of those weekends you wish would never end? Yep – this past weekend was one of them. First of all, for me, it was a three-day weekend, which is a good start.

Thursday night after work, a group of us went to the Police concert at Citizen’s Bank Park – I’ve always wanted to see these guys, and they didn’t disappoint. Sure, some of the songs had to be done in a different key than the original – that’s kind of what happens when you get older. But, these guys still know how to rock. I was surprised at just how good of a guitarist Andy Summers is, it never really did come across on their studio albums, but the guy can shred. Mr. Copeland was awesome, as I expected he would be. And, Sting’s basework is often forgotten (thanks to his adult contemporary music). And mother nature spared us, as it was threatening to rain all day, and even did drizzle a little while we were tailgating, but that was it.

On Friday, I spent most of the day doing house-work so that I could have the rest of the weekend to myself. This wasn’t much fun, as can be expected, but I did manage to come away with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that this would be all the work I’d be doing for the rest of the weekend. On Friday night, my friend Slant and I went down to Barnaby’s for happy hour, and discussed all kinds of topics, from Sesame Street to 80’s music. We were both miffed that Big Bird was looked at as kind of a lunatic when we were growing up – none of the adults ever saw his friend Snuffleupagus (sp), even though he was a 10,000 pound mastodon. Additionally, we couldn’t believe that Cookie Monster was now eating fruits and vegetables, and we considered writing the fine folks at the Children’s Television Workshop, and asking them to rename him “Waldorf Salad Monster.” I also “discovered” that my first foray into reggae music was through Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long,” and UB40’s “Red, Red Wine.” Move over, Peter Tosh!

On Saturday, my friend Yon invited us down to Long Beach Island – he rented a place there for the week. The weather was perfect – not too warm, nice breeze, and sunny – the best ingredients for a beach day. I, of course, got burned because I still haven’t learned the finer techniques of applying sun-screen to all parts of my body (I have blotches of redness on my arms). Saturday evening, another good friend of ours and his girlfriend came down, and we ordered some really good seafood – ate it on the deck whilst drinking Long Island Iced Teas (or Long Beach Island Iced Teas). Then, we ended up playing some drinking games, and Yon got so hammered he ended up wearing somebody’s bikini (thanks to a rule in A$$hole).

Nothing exciting really happened on Sunday – just the ending of a great week (and the ruing of the week to come).

Dog-Gone It!

Let me first apologize for blogging about another “sports” topic.

With that said, the Michael Vick saga took another turn yesterday, as it was reported he has now been indicted. In case you are unaware of who Michael Vick is, he is the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons (American Football), and has been one of the more popular players in recent years – appearing in all sorts of commercials and ads.

He was indicted the other day on charges having to do with raising, fighting, and killing pit bulls – it is a VERY grotesque “sport” that, even though illegal, is apparently popular down south. You can find out more about this story by going here: http://edition.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/18/vick/index.html.

Two of the main arguments supporting Vick are as follows. First, because he was raised down south, he grew up with this stuff, so he really didn’t know better. To me, that’s about as logical as eating crackers when you’re thirsty. One must understand that when one is a celebrity or superstar athlete, one is a role model whether one likes it or not. Mr. Vick, just because you have made a lot of money in the NFL, this does not make you invincible and above the law. I think there are many athletes (and stars) with this ridiculous mindset. Mr. Vick, you HAD to know that this would probably cause some trouble if anyone ever found out. I mean, the guy was making money hand over fist. Why risk it on something this demented, sick, and potentially damaging? Aren’t money and fame, not to mention your teammates, important enough to you, that when presented with this “endeavor,” you would decide against it? Am I giving you too much credit for this? Are you really this stupid, ignorant, and crazy?

The second argument deals with racisim. There are quite a few out there that believe that if this happened to say, Joe Montana, the public would treat it differently – give Joe a pass (no pun intended). Seriously? Do you really think that’s what the public would do? I can only speak for myself when I say I would shun the guy, and I’m guessing the vast majority of the population would be with me on this one. Do you think that Al Sharpton is trying to figure a way to get in on this, without “tarnishing” his image? Me too.

And I know that Vick hasn’t been proven guilty by anybody on this yet. However, when the government gets involved, you know they (a) have enough evidence to move forward, and (b) when they do indict somebody (like they did with Vick), they have a 95% success rate in court. Those odds aren’t too shabby, are they?

I feel bad for the Falcons – I mean, they just got rid of Schaub, and now they will most likely have to bank on Joey Harrington this season – looks like they may be on the clock for the 2008 draft.

A Fantastic Milestone!!!!!

As a Phillies fan, I couldn’t help but blog about this happening. My beloved Phitin’s have become the first professional sports team in the United States (no, I’m not counting the Generals who play the Globetrotters), and probably the world, to lose 10,000 games – the team has basically ignored the accomplishment, although I think management probably would’ve endeared itself to the fans had it decided to do something creative – not sure what that could have been, but ignoring it was wrong, in my mind.

Here’s the thing – this ball club can’t even lose correctly. The Phils had a chance to lose their 10,000th game on Friday the 13th – would there have been anything more poetic than that? Nope, they decided to win on Friday and Saturday … and then, instead of waiting until the west-coast trip to lose, they end up getting clobbered on the last day of the homestand … ugh! I hear that ticket stubs from this game are being sold on E-bay – what a country!

Now, this current ownership isn’t responsible for all 10,000 losses – in fact, the past few years, the team has done pretty well, finishing above .500. The Phillies had their heyday of suckiness in the early 20th century, when they managed to have 30 losing seasons in 31 years – how does a professional sports franchise survive with that kind of apathy, anyway? This is the main reason why this team has so many losses.

However, this management has refused to do enough to push this team into the playoffs, whether it is offseason acquisitions, or trading deadline maneuvers to give them a better shot at the playoffs. Their minor league system is god-awful, which helps to explain why the Phils have such a horrible pitching staff, and why Jose Mesa still has a job.

The crying shame of it is that they have a really good nucleus of players – Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Aaron Rowand, Shane Victorino, and Cole Hammels to name a few. But, there are, and have always been, far too many holes that continue to be neglected. What is the normal response we get from management? “If we were healthy, it would be a different story.” Ha – every team goes through injuries every year. The Phils make a habit of using this excuse.

Their P.R. staff (run by ownership) constantly neglects the fans – David Montgomery (the mouthpiece of the organization) seems to be crying and pointing fingers more than T.O. did when he was in Philly. Management never seems to take responsibility, and that is why there is a disconnect with the fans (that and 1 championship in the 125-year history).

Our only real hope at this point is that the woeful ownership group that currently is holding the team hostage decides to sell the team, and the new owner brings in some real baseball minds who know a thing or two about running a ballclub from bottom to top. Now, I know that Jeff will defend the Phillies when he responds here, and that’s fine – they have had a lot of good prospects come up in recent years. But, the pitching staff, with the exception of Hammels and maybe Lieber, has been a joke. The catcher spot and third base haven’t been much better. Come the trade deadline, the Phils will really have nothing to offer other clubs.

But, I digress …. Congrats to the Phils for being “The Team to Beat,” and for beginning their second 10,000 losses with another clunker last night!

Tour De Wha?

Not sure if anybody noticed, but the Tour De France is going on. What a mess of a sport cycling has become – the NHL thinks they are handling things poorly. Nobody can seem to figure out how to test for steroids, how many times cyclists should be tested, how to keep tests clean … sometimes it seems like Major League Baseball is following the policy of professional cycling.

I apologize first of all, because I have no idea if there is a “league” for professional cycling – the sport just doesn’t interest me. I mean, sure, I got caught up in the Lance Armstrong phenomena every summer at this time for the past bunch of years, and yeah, I was excited when Landis won last year, especially since he’s sort of a local guy. But the circus that followed this, and continues almost one year later, is just ridiculous. It seems like every year, we hear about some sort of doping scandal in cycling.

Here’s the thing, when there are no U.S. favorites in the Tour De France, nobody really cares about cycling (or at least the masses don’t). Add this big controversy/scandal to the mix, and this sport is in real danger of reaching WNBA status, if it hasn’t already. And, I’m not trying to belittle what these guys do. Just reading about the Tour De France makes me exhausted – one must be in the best possible physical condition to even finish this course.

And with professional athletes having this huge competitive streak in them, some may look for some sort of advantage. I know, this probably happens in every sport … but at least the four major ones are INTERESTING. I tried watching some of the Tour De France on Versus (awful station, by the way), and after 30 seconds, I began sensing that this was a waste, and I could find many better ways to spend my time.

So, with that said, what do you guys think about the Tour De France? Has this event reached the point where it will never again be popular in the U.S.? Are many of the problems related to it being held in France and run by the French?

I am Man!!!!!!

On Sunday morning, as I got into my car on my way to Target, I noticed something wrong with my car – as luck would have it, I had somehow acquired a flat tire … and this sucker was all the way flat … not a little flat or anything like that, but FULL BLOWN FLAT. What a pain in the keester. I had a minature air compressor in my car, and decided to try blowing this tire up … and I did manage to get some air in there … enough to get me to the gas station up the street, where I proceeded to fill it up fully. The leak, thankfully, was a slow leak – I was able to make it to Wal Mart, purchase some Fix-a-Flat, and fill my tire with it – thankfully, I bought two, because the first one exploded onto me (the tube, for some reason was weak) – and I was able to give some fellow shoppers a good laugh.

I monitored the tire, and for the most part, the leak was controlled. I was hoping the tire would last me until the weekend, where I wouldn’t have to waste any work time taking care of the situation … and for a few days, the tire was fine … until Wednesday evening, on the ride home from work …. In the middle of a nice rain shower … in blistering heat and humidity. The tire finally gave, and the air compressor was no longer providing any relief … I immediately called roadside assistance, as I didn’t want to go to the trouble of changing my tire in the weather conditions … and probably because I’ve never actually changed a tire by myself before. Roadside assistance would take an hour to get to me … I knew what I had to do … BECOME A MAN!First, I read the owner’s manual, and found the jack and spare tire. Next, I loosened all the bolts except for one … this bolt was different than the rest, and I couldn’t figure out where the tool was to use on this. It took me another 20 minutes to actually find this tool – nope, not in the emergency kit … nope, not anywhere else in the trunk … let me check the emergency kit again … nope, not in the first aid kit. Finally, I looked in the glove compartment, and to my surprise, I found the tool! I loosened that bolt as well, put the jack in place, and jacked up the car. I removed the flat, replaced it with the spare, and was on my way … it took me about 10 minutes, after I figured everything out.

Was I pissed about the flat tire and weather conditions? You betcha. But, as I continued my journey home, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and pure manliness … almost making the entire ordeal worth it … almost.

A Good Fit?

A few weeks ago, my friend Slant and I were on our way to Baltimore to meet up with our friend Mung for our fabulous weekend in Cleveland. We were listening to both Volume 1 and 3 of the Traveling Wilbury’s. In case you’ve never heard of this band, all I have to do is mention the members and you’ll get an idea of them (or, you could go to Amazon.com and read up on them): Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, and Roy Orbison … of course, Orbison died after Volume 1 …

For some reason, Slant and I remember that there were some rumors out there that the Wilbury’s were going to replace Orbison for Volume 3, and go on tour … which probably would’ve been one of the coolest things ever to happen … anyway, I’ll present some of these rumored replacements with my opinions – please, add any others you’d like (past, present, or future … or at least newer than the remaining Wilbury’s).

Paul McCartney – Certainly, royalty when it comes to rock and roll, and his voice would’ve replaced Orbison’s heavenly voice admirably. However, McCartney is far too “poppy” for the Wilbury’s, and his guitar work, although pretty good, can’t match up to any of the remaining members.

John Fogerty – The guy is a folk/country icon, and probably would’ve fit in nicely with his writing style and guitar play … not sure how his screaming voice would’ve played into the Wilbury’s, since they already have Petty.

Keith Richards – Without a doubt, his songwriting and guitar work would’ve been a perfect fit … however, the Wilbury’s already had Bob Dylan’s raspy voice, probably didn’t need another one in Richards’.

Eric Clapton – Probably the most sensible choice – the guy is a wizard with the guitar, could add a nice bluesy touch to the country and folk, and certainly his voice, although not as high as Orbison’s, is distinct and classic enough, that he could’ve pulled this off.

Pete Townsend – A gifted songwriter and guitarist, I just don’t know whether Pete could pull off a convincing country/folk sound. I mean, I think the closest the Who ever got to a country sound was Squeeze Box, right?

Roger Waters – He would’ve added an interesting psychedelic touch to the Wilbury’s, but if they really wanted to go that way, they already had Harrison in the band.

Jimmy Page – The guy would’ve been the R&B backbone of this band, and probably would’ve given it some added muscle … however, his voice is less than good, so he probably wouldn’t have fit very well.

Eddie Vedder – He was fresh and new at the time, and as far as song writers go, he would’ve been excellent. His sound was a good match too, but his guitar play isn’t up to standard with these guys.

Neil Young – Another great song writer, with a good folk-hard edged sound, and a really cool guitarist … but he just seemed a little to hyper and unsettled for these guys.

Roger McGuinn – Great guitarist, good lyricist, and certainly a nice folksy background, but he sounds almost exactly like Petty.

I Wouldn't Be More Surprised If I Woke Up With my Head Stapled to the Carpet ...

A friend of mine just sent me this picture which is going on sale on Ebay for $10,000. I know, I know – I try not to blog too much about Barry Bonds, but after seeing this, I couldn’t resist. I mean, seriously – at this point, is there any doubt that Bonds has probably plugged himself with more steroids than a champion race horse … or a Tour De France winner? This picture is priceless – I think $10,000 is far too low a price.

But, that’s not the only reason I chose to blog about Barry. He was somehow voted in as a starter for the NL all-stars this season. Obviously, those San Francisco fans stuffed the ballots more than Central American politicians, my friends. It is a crying shame that he got voted in, and not because he’s a cheater (although that’s reason enough). Ladies and gentleman, the biggest reason why he shouldn’t have been voted in was that his stats were not all-star quality. But, since the all-star game is being held in San Francisco this year, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if the MLB “helped” in his selection.

But that’s ok – karma has a way of evening things out. One would figure that Bonds would be more than willing to appease his own hometown fans by participating in the home-run derby, right? Nope – ol’ melon-head decided that he was too good for that. When questioned about it, he basically said that thrilling his hometown fans really didn’t matter to him, and he could do whatever the hell he wants to. Great work, Barry. Burn you last bridge. I hope those fans finally see you for what you are.

In the meantime, does anybody have $10,000 that they wouldn’t mind giving to me?

How I Spent My Fourth ...

A good friend of mine, Yon, called me up the other night and asked if I wanted to go with him to the Moorestown parade, in New Jersey. I’m not big on parades, but I haven’t really seen his place in New Jersey, and it gave me something to do. I was on the fence about it, but he sold it like a used car salesman, telling me things like “Moorestown was voted best small town in America” by some magazine a few years ago, and that this parade “would have floats, fancy cars, and great food.” What the heck, I thought.

I got to his place around 9:30, and we walked to the center of Moorestown … something he left out was that the center of town was around a 30-minute walk … not a big deal, I could use the exercise. When we got there, the place was packed with families – which is what I expected. Unfortunately, I didn’t expect a 20-minute “parade” which featured an old fire engine, and the mayor of Moorestown riding down in a convertible Corvette. Some of the highlights:

* The Moorestown running club marching down the street, with three of its members holding up billboards that had shoes glued to them that spelled out R-U-N. Every once in a while, the coach would do a figure 8 jog, with the other members following suit … thank goodness they did this, because I would never have known what running was.

* Some kind of a folk band on the back of a flat-bed playing “Camptown Races.” I’m not sure how the black population felt about this … I would’ve expected another selection.

* Everyone who drove their Corvettes in the parade … not sure what they were getting at, but these weren’t your classic Corvettes … just regular run of the mill ones.

That’s really it for the highlights of the actual parade. Even Yon admitted that it was lame. We walked to the park, hoping the town would redeem itself … boy were we in for disappointment. We get there, and hardly anything is set up, with the exception of a stage, which would probably once again welcome the “Camptown Racers.” There was stand where the local Lion’s Club was giving away free hot dogs … problem was that they were cold … and I don’t mean luke-warm, either. After about another 10 minutes, Yon suggested we go to the movies, which was fine by me – I had it up to my gills with “Small-town America.”

The movie we saw was “License to Wed,” a movie featuring Mandy Moore, John Krazinski, and Robin Williams – this was the only movie playing at the time we got there. Shockingly, the movie wasn’t bad, and Robin Williams was actually sort of funny. It’s not one I’d recommend going to see, but definitely one to watch when it hits cable in a few months.

So, that was it. Now, it’s raining, so we probably won’t go out and see any fireworks – probably we’ll just hang out and watch some movies. It’s weird when the 4th of July is on a Wednesday – can’t really drink too much, because I have work tomorrow. I think they should celebrate Independence day on the Friday of the week of the 4th of July … that’s probably a subject for another blog posting, though.

Another One Bites the Dust ...

I got an interesting text message last night from a good friend of mine, Davers. It stated, “Picked me up a fiancé last night.” If you know anything about Davers, this text will make perfect sense. I’ve known the guy since I was 6, when his family moved from South Philly to just a few blocks from my house. I remember walking by and seeing a little police tricycle on the front lawn and saying to myself, “Great, just what we need, more little kids” Remember, I was 6.

Little did I know that this 4-year old was already way better than me in sports. The kid was a natural – could pick up any game and master it in no-time. He began playing soccer when he was 8, and instantly became the best player on the team. He was a tri-sport captain in high school, and was being recruited by colleges, until he blew his knee out.

His real passion in life, however, has always been fishing. If possible, he probably would fish 12 hours a day, every day. He loves fishing in Brigantine – something his father probably instilled in him when he was born. The family has a place in Brigantine and Davers ended up moving down there a few years ago, working for some insurance company (I think).
Anyway, he met a girl probably about 1 ½ years ago, and it went really well. I think he even sacrificed some surf-fishing time to be with her … yep, it was true love. Anyway, when he texted me, I came up with some possible scenarios on how he popped the question:

* He brought her over to help him gut some stripers, and he ended up pulling a ring out of one of the striper’s intestines.

* He took her on the beach and had her reel in one of his fishing poles, which had the ring on the end of it (He told me he was considering this, but (A) he was afraid a bluefish would eat the ring, and (B) that she might not like this technique).

* He took her to the Rod and Reel at 4:30 a.m. after a hard night of partying, ordered some buffalo wings, and when the plate came out, there was a ring aournd one of the drumsticks (local Brigantine water-hole that Davers frequents).

* He took her to the Tropicana, went to the sportsbook, bet on a race, and the cashier gave him a ring instead of a ticket.

* He took her to a craps table, and instead of putting a chip down on the “Don’t Pass Line,” he placed a ring there (Davers’ favorite table game).

In talking to him, I was relieved to find out that he did none of these, and actually was kind of romantic (something very un-Davers-like). He took her on the beach after a booze cruise (ok, maybe not that romantic), and gave her a chocolate rose, with the ring underneath the chocolate … oh yeah, and it was her birthday.

I’m proud of him – I never thought I’d see the day a lady could take him away from the sea.

Is There Hope?

We have a promising “new’ radio station in Philadelphia – 104.5, which now has a modern rock/alternative format, finally filling the vacuum that Y-100 created when it switched formats 2+ years ago. I’m excited about this, but in the long run, I know it will fail. How? Let me count the ways.

First, and most importantly, the station is part of Clear Channel, the mega-company that has largely been responsible for the decline of terrestrial radio. They bought up tons of radio stations nationwide in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, and basically tried to create vanilla formats that they hoped everyone would listen to. Creativity was for all intensive purposes thrown out the window. We began hearing the same few bands playing the same few songs. Clear Channel ended up hurting itself, as it invested so much money in doing this, that when the backlash happened, the stations were practically worthless. (not to mention the whole Howard Stern debacle). They tried selling a bunch off, and I think they still are.

Another reason this won’t last in Philly is because any radio station that tries something new and makes a niche for themselves, ends up refusing to get creative. Case and point – we had an 80’s station here a few years ago, and it was cool hearing those songs again. However, this station had a very narrow playlist that consisted only of top 10 hits. People got bored with the music. I e-mailed the program director, foreshadowing this, and offering suggestions like having “Freestyle-Fridays,” or “80’s rap night,” or even trying to rediscover forgotten 80’s classics. I received an e-mail back from the program director thanking me for my input, but assuring me that they knew what they were doing … it didn’t take long for them to change formats. I fear the same issue will happen to 104.5 – I’ve already noticed that they repeat songs far too often.

104.5 also seems to be playing far too much emo-music (look it up), relying on bands like AFI, Fallout Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Taking Back Sunday, Breaking Benjamin, and Jimmy Eat World … the sound of these bands is far too overproduced and quite frankly, far to similar to each other. My hope is that they’ll discover other sounds and rely less on emo … and yes, I’ve e-mailed them about this as well.

At least we have modern rock in Philly again. I should stop complaining and enjoy it … while it lasts.

No, Chris, No!!!!!

As many of you know, I am a pro wrestling fan … sure, I’m not as big of a fan as I used to be, but I still follow the “sport.” You can imagine how shocked I was to find out about Chris Benoit last night whilst tuning into RAW. I’ve been a fan of Benoit’s for quite a while … in fact, I remember when he teamed with Bobby Eaton during one of the last Crocket Cup tag team title tournaments back in the NWA (yeah, I’m old).

The guy never had the “charisma” on the microphone, which, along with his lack of size, probably hindered his career … or at least prevented him from dominating the sport like Austin or the Rock did. His in-ring skills were never questioned. The guy always gave 110%, and the fans loved him for it. Which gets me to the crossroads of this post.

How will Benoit be remembered? I mean, he killed his wife and his son before killing himself. It is rumored that the guy used to beat his wife (who, by the way, I had a major crush on when she was the “Woman” character on WCW in the late 80’s and early 90’s). Does he go down as another O.J.? Of course, we probably would’ve respected O.J. more if he would’ve just had the decency to take his own life as well (Hey Barry, ya listening?).

The guy had a tremendous career, winning the world title, and numerous other titles in many wrestling organizations around the globe. He was immensely respected by everyone he wrestled against, and was one of those rare wrestlers that could wrestle a broomstick, and make the broomstick look like a seasoned professional. I wouldn’t say that I’m sick to my stomach over this, but this is very disturbing … disturbing enough to bring Vince McMahon out of character last night (he was actually in the middle of a ‘Vince McMahon is dead’ storyline, so this was a pretty big deal).

I just wonder what drove him to do it. I'm guessing it was some sort of debilitating combination of steroids, speed, and pain killers ... seems like a lot of wrestlers have run into difficulties with this. Benoit did have a severe neck injury a few years ago - one in which he needed to get some vertibrae fused together ... not trying to make excuses for the guy, I'm just trying to make sense of it.

I know most of you guys and gals aren’t wrestling fans, and that’s o.k. I just wanted to get your opinion on this. Did I waste too much of my life writing this post?

Semi-Regular Reviews

Once every now and again, I feel the urge to share some reviews on recently purchased movies, music, video games, etc. This is one of those times. Enjoy:


Recently Seen Movies:
* Knocked Up – This movie is chocked full of one-liners, many laugh-out-loud scenes, and some embarrassingly funny moments. This will most likely be the most quoted movie of the summer … unless Superbad steals this title away.

* Pirates 3 – The writers seem to be going with more and more theatrical moments, and relying less and less on creating a story. Still, it was a relatively good movie, and the Keith Richards cameo is worth the price of the ticket itself (yeah, I’m a Stones fan).


Recently Purchased Movies:
* Crash – Yep, this was in the discount rack, but man, what a great flick. If you can find it for $5 or less, it is definitely worth it. Lots of great acting, even a surprisingly good performance from Brendan Frazer.

Music:

* The Bravery, The Sun and the Moon – If you liked their first release, you’ll love this one. This could be the band that challenges the Killers, much like The Beatles had the Stones rivalry. They definitely got a 1980’s Psychedelic Furs sound, with touches of techno in some songs, but most of the album gets your toes tapping.

* Razorlight, by Razorlight – Surprisingly good album that doesn’t jump out at you right away, however, the melodies seem to stick in your head for hours. Lots of influences here – U2, The Pretenders, Springsteen, Squeeze, and maybe even a little INXS if you listen closely. Delicate songs are interwoven with some really catchy rockers.

* The Kaiser Chiefs, Yours Truly, Angry Mob – Much like the first release, very incomplete. There are some really good tracks, but it seems like I keep hitting the next song button entirely too much. If you like Britpop, you’ll probably dig this album, but much like the first one, there are too many throw-away songs.

Video Games (for PS2):

* Guitar Hero 2 – In a word, amazing! I’m speechless on how cool they made this game. A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and he said, “I know I’m not actually playing guitar, but this game makes me feel like I am.” The choices of songs used in this are interesting, yet cool. The characters you can unlock, the encores that you play, the multi-player options – just plain crazy. I went out and purchased the wireless guitar, as well as pre-ordering the Guitar Hero 1980’s edition which comes out towards the end of July. You HAVE to get this game.

* Hard Rock Casino – I got this one in the discount rack for $9.99. Worth every penny and more. Not only do they have just about every slot and table game you can imagine in the casino (including War), they have sportsbook betting. Plus, the adventure mode offers you the thrill of trying to complete specific tasks to get to higher levels.

* Mark Davis Pro Bass Challenge – Got this one for $4.99, and again, worth every penny. The only issue I have with the game is that there isn’t a huge variety with regards to places to fish. However, the tournaments are great, and adds the interesting aspect of having to qualify for these tournaments. Plus, trying to find the big bass, while trying to avoid those annoying bluegills is a lot of fun.

* Pro Stroke Golf – Another $9.99 purchase, and another great buy. Sure, it’s not Tiger Woods golf, but the graphics are good, the complexity of the game is a nice touch, and qualifying for specific golf events and beating a ton of challenges makes this game very playable for quite a while.

Knuckle-Heads!

A coworker and I got to talking today about an interesting news story. Apparently, there was some sort of vandal who was spraying graffiti on cars (I think) … The “interesting” note about the story is that he got caught when cops found a digital camera in his car with pictures of each of the cars he vandalized … I mean this has “wet-bandits” written all over it (look it up).

It amazes me how some people can just be that stupid. I mean, there had to be a point that this guy had to have thought to himself, “is this really the smartest thing to be doing?.” Am I right? Or, is this guy missing a chromosome … or gray matter?

My coworker had a similar event happen to his neighbor just a few days before. Some kids had driven by and spray-painted “420” on the side of his white van. Nobody got a good view of the vehicle or the perpetrators, but thanks to sheer stupidity that even O.J. would wince at, one of the kids got caught. How? I’m glad ya asked! Apparently, they found his ID on the ground near one of the cars that was vandalized. I guess stupidity knows no bounds sometimes.

This story reminded me of one I heard in which somebody held-up a potential victim and asked for all his money. The “victim” said he didn’t have any money but he could write him a check. The robber gladly agreed to this, and ended up trying to cash the check … he was apprehended immediately.

If you have any interesting stories to tell, please, share!

Cleveland Really Does Rock!

Well, I survived Cleveland … in all seriousness though, what a great town! It is very clean, and is small enough that you can walk just about anywhere. Plus, it is very reasonably priced. Just a few highlights from our trip:

* Did you know that Cleveland has the country’s 34th biggest airport? Seriously, they promote this.

* The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is really cool … shame that Philly and its unions screwed this one up. Big victory for Cleveland.

* The entire city was pretty bummed with the Cavs getting swept in the NBA finals. They really loved the fact that I was asking if anybody had extra tickets for game 5. They really got annoyed when I said, “If the Cavs can win game 5, the first 4 games won’t matter.”

* Christie’s was our gentleman’s club of choice … thanks to my one friend’s ability to find free passes online. One problem though – the service charge for an ATM in this place was $12 … don’t ask me how I know this.

* A cool bar to visit in Cleveland is called Little Jimmy’s. They had great food, good music, good prices, and great employees. We couldn’t ask for anything more.

* Jacobs field is a great venue to watch baseball. It was a shame that the Tribe lost to the Braves. We still had a lot of fun.

* The Residence Inn was where we stayed – right in the center of the city, and really nice rooms. Plus, they had a complimentary breakfast, and although there was no bacon included, we still enjoyed this.

* Another cool bar to visit is the Map Room … just don’t go there if you are in the mood for anything to eat but pizza … I warned you.

Cleveland Rocks .... I think.

This Friday morning, I, along with two other college buddies, are heading to Cleveland … that’s right, Cleveland. I’m not really sure how we came to the decision to go here, but what the hell. Maybe it’s because the rock and roll hall of fame is located there … maybe it’s because they have a really cool ballpark … maybe it’s because I have a strong resemblance to Drew Carey.

So, here are some things we’ll be doing in Cleveland (please, add some, if you have any other suggestions):

* Sometime on Friday, we’ll visit the rock and roll hall of fame, and pay homage to Mick Jagger … well, at least I’ll be paying homage to Mick.
* We have tickets to the Indians vs. Braves baseball game … I’m hoping they have a pregame wrestling match between Wahoo McDaniel and Chief Jay Strongbow.
* My one friend, who is a certifiable pervert, has already come up with a list of “gentleman’s establishments” in the area.
* There will be much drinking … which will lead to “conversations” with other Clevelandites on the following:
* How they’ve managed to survive living in a dumpster like Cleveland for so long.
* When they plan on fielding a real professional football team again.
* When the next time they plan on setting that lake on fire would be.
* If they can explain the Craig Ehlo experience.
* How long they plan on riding this Jim Brown thing.

Yep, we’ll be just fine.

DBT 2K7!!!!

This past Saturday was year three of our public transportation dive bar tour. This was my brother’s brainchild – instead of renting a van or bus to travel to local bars of, let’s just say, questionable standards, we would instead journey to bars via Septa. We discovered that it was certainly much cheaper, both because of Septa as well as these bars fantastically low beer and food prices.

However, this year, we added a new twist. Instead of just using the Septa busses, we actually used the train as well. Once again, we had a fantastic time. Here are some of the highlights, other than the train.

* The first bar we went to, Max Magees, had just opened (noon), and we were the first customers. The owner was so happy we were there, that he gave us a round of Southern Comfort shots … ok, maybe he wasn’t happy with us, and that’s why we got the SoCo.

* The Burgundy Lounge, probably the dankest of stops this year, decided not to use air conditioning … it certainly got us out of there quicker.

* We stopped at Pogue Mahones, which used to be Maximillian’s, the bar that Vince Papale used to tend at (if you don’t know Papale, you need to rent Invincible.)

* One of our stops was The New Moon, which used to be called the Blue Moon ... the first U.S. bar I ever had a beer in … a few years before I was 21.

* We had a dinner stop at the Italian Delight … which was once in the MacDade Mall, and then moved to an old Pizza Hut location. What is noteworthy about this is that the owners of the Italian Delight spent about $0 renovating this place … but hey, the pizza was really good.

* One of our last stops was Rick’s, and they were having a high school graduation party … I found it interesting that a bar would host something like a high school graduation.

* The last bar on the tour was Durty Nelly’s, about a block from my house (great planning!). The interesting part about this bar was that we met two women who had obviously been there for a while. In fact, one of the women showed us a picture she took on her cell phone. This is normally not a big deal … but, the picture she took was of her genitals … I kid you not. She had three piercings, so it made it look like some sort of fleshy Christmas tree … ah, good times.

* We finished the night out by going back to my place (not with the women), and playing Guitar Heroes … I have to say that I am probably better at playing this game whilst drunk … weird. The unfortunate thing is that we played for about three hours, and repeated quite a few of the songs, which was all that ended up being in my head while I was trying to sleep.

All in all, a great day/night … nothing like 13 ½ hours of drinking … my liver thanks me.

This and That ...

Since I can’t think of anything to write, here are some weird things I’ve noticed about myself:

1. I feel like I could sleep late on weekdays, but on weekends I get up early.
2. I am left handed at hockey but right handed at golf.
3. I dislike reality shows, but I like pro wrestling.
4. I enjoyed the Godfather movies, but I can’t get into the Sopranos.
5. I love to play the hand-held Yahtzee game whilst taking a dump.
6. I get upset when somebody uses the urinal right next to me when another urinal is open.
7. I enjoy having the fan on when I sleep … even in the winter time.
8. I am obsessed with infomercials … probably because of the poor acting.
9. In my circle of friends (or circles), I feel like I’m Jerry Seinfeld.
10. I get annoyed with people who always try to one-up me with stories.
11. I have a problem with steak and eggs, because I feel that one is for breakfast, and the other is for dinner, and the two should not be mixed.
12. People collect lots of things – baseball cards, Hummel figurines … I collect cds.
13. I think I would be a far better program manager than just about any in the Philadelphia radio market.
14. I like the smell of hot asphalt when it rains.

I Got Your Low Car Diet Right Here!

This past Saturday was my 35th birthday, and … oh man … I’m crossing into a new marketing demographic now … sigh! However, leave it to me to welcome in such a traumatic situation with style … mainly a keg party with burgers, dogs, wings … and of course friends and family (and whoever else decided to show up). First and foremost, let me once again thank all that attended for helping me to celebrate such a momentous occasion.

Next, let me highlight some of the moments of the afternoon/evening/night/early morning:

* First, I barbecued for around 3 hours … sure, I started off sober, but that’s not how I finished … somehow I only burnt myself one time. And thankfully, it was extremely hot and humid … just good times all around.

* My brother brought over his Baggo game … I think they changed the original name of it, as the true name of the game is “Corn-Hole.” And, no … this wasn’t some weird sex party …

* I got a lot of really cool gifts … lots of liquor and beer, the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums of All Time book, and Guitar Heroes 2 for Playstation 2 … if you haven’t played this, you must stop reading this blog right now, go to the nearest Best Buy, and try it out … we ended up playing this for the better part of 4 hours towards the end of the night/beginning of the morning … not an easy task whilst intoxicated.

* A good cheese to put on burgers is Pepperjack … it works much better than American cheese.
I had to wake up bright and early the next morning to pick up my parents … this in itself was a feat of strength … I think.

* People were upset that I didn’t cook up any ribs, like the ones I had last year … truthfully, I forgot all about them … didn’t realize that they were so popular … they’ll be back next year.

Back to Work .... NOOOOOO!!!!!

Just mere days from my 35th birthday … ugh, I’m getting old. Truthfully, I don’t feel old, but I have noticed that during the few times that I’m actually performing some strenuous work for an extended period of time (which, of course eliminates sex from the conversation), that my recovery time is increasing. Whilst in San Francisco, we did a lot of walking … in case you weren’t aware, San Fran has a ton of frickin’ hills. I estimated that we probably walked more than 5 miles one day … which felt like close to a million with the hills factored in.

The really good news about this whole thing was that I neglected to pack my cross-training sneakers, and just wore a pair of new Converse sneaks that weren’t broken in. The pain that I experienced that night and the following day was not good … like when I had to go to the movies once with an ex-girlfriend to see the remake of “That Darn Cat.” My calves looked like Popeye’s arms for a few days, which is probably a good thing, I guess.

Anyway, today was my first day back at work, and let me tell ya, it wasn’t easy. I wasn’t used to getting up at a prescribed time, because of vacation. So, when that alarm clock sounded off at 6:00 a.m. this morning, I felt like crushing every atomic particle that made up that sum-bitch. As the day went on, I got more and more groggy. I felt like I could fall asleep at any minute on the ride home. Thankfully, it’s a short work week … and, did I mention my birthday is on Saturday? Good times!

California, There I Was ...

I’m back from California, and man do I feel more sophisticated … but don’t worry, I’ll snap back into my normal self soon enough! It was a phenomenal trip – one that I highly recommend. I’ll give ya some highlights, because … well, because that’s the kind of guy I am.

San Fran
* Alcatraz … if you are going to San Francisco for the first time, this HAS to be on your to-do list. What a fantastic tour! The history surrounding this “rock” is amazing. Scenically, it is breath-taking, and you can get some great pictures of the city, as well as the Golden Gate Bridge.

* Chinatown – This one puts Philly’s Chinatown to shame. Great restaurants, fantastic shops, and really great photo-opportunities.

* Fisherman’s Wharf – I was actually a little disappointed in this area. It was WAY too commercial. It’s nice to see, I guess, but don’t spend too much time there.

* Japanese Tea Gardens – Much smaller than I expected, and NO friggin’ Koi – even though the brochure said so.

* At the Cathedral Hill Hotel bar, we met some semi-famous people, including a former foreign correspondent for Australia named Warrick Blood, and the director for that HBO show Cathouse … I forget her name, but I think it was either Jill or Julie.

* Everybody in San Fran is under the Barry Bonds spell – you can’t say anything bad about the guy without people jumping to his defense.

* Sour-dough bread – My god, this was fantastic. I couldn’t get enough of it. We need a good one of these stores in Philly!

Wine Country
* Sterling Winery – This is in Calestoga, the far north part of Napa. You take a gondola ride to the top, and the views are ridiculous. I highly suggest taking the ride to this one.

* Robert Modavi winery – Very classy winery. I recommend paying the $25 for the tour – I learned a lot.

* Gloria Fererra – They produce champagne here, and some really good and strong stuff. I think I drank to flutes of champagne in the 1.5 hours I was there, and I felt buzzed. Maybe it was the air, or the fact that I hadn’t eaten in about 7 hours – who knows, but this was some really good champagne.

* Brick’s – This isn’t a winery, but a restaurant. We sat outside. The view was awesome. The food was really good, and they had a great selection of wines to go along with it. The waiters were very helpful in choosing a good wine to go along with any of the entrees.

* Mumm’s - This was another “champagnery,” and was delightful as well. As with most of the winery’s, the view was great.

* Sutter Home – Yeah, we went there too, just because I’ve actually had this wine before (translation – very inexpensive). Outside of that, not much to talk about.

* So, I’ve gotten better with wine. I’ve learned that I like the white’s a lot better, however, I can handle some of the reds. I have also learned how to properly examine a wine, sniff the bouquet, and taste the wine. Still, I’m a bigger fan of beer, but at least I’ve gained an appreciation for wine.

California, Here I Come ... Part 2

This will be my last post for at least a week … have I had enough of blogging? No – I’m going on vacation. Specifically, the wife and I will be traveling out to San Francisco, where we’ll spend two days enjoying the city and its splendor. We already have our trip to Alcatraz booked for Sunday, and we plan on seeing the Japanese Tea Garden, as well as that zig zag street.

Then, on Monday, we travel to the Napa Valley. Now, I’m no wine drinker. In fact, I probably couldn’t distinguish between a cabernet and a merlot. But, that’s o.k. – I’m willing to learn. And what better place, than the Napa Valley! We have an idea of some of the wineries we will be visiting, and we can’t wait to eat at some scenic restaurants as well.

Here are just a few of the things I’d like to accomplish in California:

* Kick Barry Bonds repeatedly on his knees until they fall off.
* Ask somebody in Napa where the Chateau de Thunderbird is.
* Say hello to the Governator.
* Ask the trolley driver to take me to Rice-a-Roni.
* Mention to all the locals how much nicer San Diego is.

If you have any other suggestions, let me know! See y’all in a week!

Finally!

I just want to warn any of you Jerry Falwell lovers out there, you should probably not read on …. Hey, I warned you.

In case you didn’t hear the news, the “loveable” Jerry Falwell has passed on … to where, I’m not really sure … but the important thing is that he is outta our hair. For a man who was so “devoted” to Christianity, I’m not sure Christ would’ve gotten along with him too well. Jesus always preached forgiveness and understanding … so did Falwell, as long as the understanding you were doing was about his agenda.

If taken literally, Falwell basically considered more than 80% of the human population (sure, I’m making that number up, but not really) to be evil. Why? Well, most aren’t Christians. Yep, if you believe in God, but not Christianity, guess what? You were on Falwell’s hit list. If you ARE a Christian, but not his type of Christian … well, you get the idea.

Of course, his ridiculous remarks in the days, months and years following 9-11, helped to polarize people even more. I’m surprised Al Sharpton never went after the guy … although that would’ve been one heckuva battle, wouldn’t it? I’m just happy I don’t have to hear his ludicrous comments anymore … but I’m sure somebody will fill the vacuum soon enough .

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Since it's Mother's Day, I figure I'd share some "Inga-isms" with you. My mom has become sort of a legend to my friends. You see, she has been in this country (she was born in Germany) for more than 40 years, and she still hasn't gotten this English thing down.
My friends hope that she answers the phone so that they may be blessed with an Inga-ism. What is an Inga-ism, you ask? Well, an Inga-ism is any phrase that my mom says that would normally not make sense if anyone else said it. Enjoy, and remember .... you must read these in your best German accent!

1. "Kal's in the toilet." The grand-daddy of them all! My mom uses this phrase when I'm in the bathroom and can't get to the phone. She has ruined many a date for me in the past.
2. "Kal, do the jellybeans bite?" Mom used this one when we were in Myrtle Beach, in the ocean. My response was, "The red ones are a little spicy."
3. "Kal, would you like a beagle for breakfast?" Don't go to the trouble, just give me a basset hound.
4. "Kal, the smoke detector is empty." Well, fill it back up with smoke!
5. "I'll have prime rib, baked potato, and salad with french fry dressing." McDonalds, I think I have a new idea for you!
6. "Kal's in the basement, making exercise." This is what I'm doing when I should be working out.
7. "Kal, did Pete Samford win Wilmington?" Apparently a new tennis player has won a tournament in Delaware.
8. "Kal, enjoy the boys." This is what she tells me when I go to the bars.
9. "Kurt, go to Olidators to get film for your camera." Olidators is short for National Wholesale Liquidators.
10. "Look at all the big boys!" My mom enjoying my friends.
11. "Kal, would you like some warm chocolate milk?" Hot Chocolate never sounded so good!
12. "Kal, will there be any stripers at the bachelor party?" Mom wanting to know what kind of fish there will be.
13. "Kal, tuck your pants out!" Mom telling me to untuck my pants.
14. "Kal, close the light!" Apparently, the light was left open.
15. "No, I'm sorry. Kal's in Sue." My mom telling a friend I was over at Sue's house.
16. "I called Kal on the cellophone." 6/3/01 I love popping cellophone.
17. "This is girlfriend Sue." 6/3/01 Meet George Jetson.....Daughter Judy...
18. "I would like a strawberry dougherty." Er, I'm sorry, we don't make Dougherty's.
19. "Kal took the salami." But what did I do with it?
20. "Kal, Uncle Ernst won a DD player." Sounds kinky.
21. "Kal, is the ocean big?" Not so big this time of year.
22. "Kal, did you hear about the Amtrak scare?" No, but I did hear about the Anthrax scare.
23. "Kal, you should take your CD player to Circus City." Nah, I hear they hire a bunch of clowns!
24. "Kal, you should put silicone on your sunburn." That way I could increase it's size.
25. "I saw people putting down $100 on Jack Black." He is a pretty good actor, I guess.
26. "I like the socks with the holes in them (fishnet stockings)." I have plenty of those.
27. "I hope they don't put up another CVS or Greenwalls!" If there's one thing I can't stand, it's another one of those Greenwalls!
28. "I think Demon's has better ribs than Applebey's." They are devilishly good!
29. "I would like the fried chimps." Inga, ordering the fried shrimp at Red Lobster.
30. "Do you want an advertiser?" Inga, asking if anybody would like appetizers.

Holy Makeup, Batman!

In a “sad” turn of events, Tammy Faye Messner has announced that she has inoperable cancer and is down to a puny 65 pounds. In case the name doesn’t sound familiar, she used to be known as Tammy Faye Bakker, part of the “diabolically” religious show, the PTL club. And though I never wish anything like this on anybody (except for Barry Bonds), I have a hard time feeling sorry for her … before you throw something at me, let me explain.

I remember when I was just a young Los, going through the channels and trying to find something on television in the mornings … this was before we had cable TV … even before we had a television with a remote control (seriously). I inevitably would pass by the PTL club, and had to sit back and watch a few minutes of this circus. Every time, it would be the same thing – Jim, the host, would be doing some sort of heavy praying … almost being brought to tears … concentrating so hard that I thought he was going to take a growler in his pants.

And, right on cue, the camera would pan over to Tammy, who looked like she was skull-f*cked by a gang of angry clowns. The tears were rolling off of her face, taking some of the astronomical amounts of makeup with them and leaving hideous blackish trails all over her face.

I was amazed that anybody in their right mind would call in to give money to this show, but apparently there were a few suck… er, Christians who were hypnotized enough by this car-wreck of a show that would actually call in and give large sums of money. Of course, after a few years, some Clouseau exposed a major scandal, and the PTL ended. Jim Bakker probably had that constipated look on his face, because he was hiding the big wads of cash where the sun don’t shine.

As luck would have it, Tammy wasn’t finished. She resurfaced most recently on the Surreal Life tv show, and befriended porn star Ron Jeremy, which makes about as much sense Superman befriending Lex Luther … or something like that.

As an aside, somebody told me that Tammy actually stopped using makeup, and had the “make-up” look tattooed onto her face permanently. As ludicrous as this sounds, I’m guessing this probably saved her a boat-load of money in the long run. I’m pretty sure Revlon, or whatever company she bought from, took a major financial hit when she did this. But I digress …

Anyway, I guess I should end this by saying something nice … but I’m drawing a blank. I just hope that the media do not give her the “Anna Nicole” treatment after she passes … or maybe I should hope that they do, because I’m sure there’ll be a lot of high comedy to come out of it.

Ra-Ra-Ra-Retard ...

I normally try to stay away from doing political-type stories, mostly because I have a hard time stomaching politics (yes, on both sides). However, a recent event occurred that I feel the need to discuss … and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with the Philadelphia Mayoral race (which is quite stomach-turning in its own right). No, this has to do with the governor of New Jersey, Jim Corzine.

As some of you may know, Corzine ultimately replaced Jim McGreevey, the governor who came out of the closet a few years ago, which is news in itself. But, Corzine decided, unintentionally, to try and one-up McGreevey … and, no, he didn’t attempt to videotape a three-some with circus midgets and post it on Youtube … at least, I don’t think he did.

To give you a little background on the state of New Jersey (and no, not the background of it being the armpit of the U.S.), the state was one of the first in the nation to put together tough seat-belt laws. These laws basically make it unaffordable to take the chance of driving your car around without a seatbelt on.

Corzine, being the governor, probably decided that laws don’t apply to him … much like most politicians. He decided not to wear his seatbelt … so far, not that big of a story. However, he was being driven by a state police officer … o.k. getting a little more interesting. The state police officer was driving over 90 miles per hour … wow, getting juicy. And Corzine’s vehicle ended up being involved in a rather serious car wreck.

Corzine had many broken ribs, in addition to a broken leg, and several other injuries … the state trooper, who was wearing his seat-belt, ended up being o.k. A few lessons here – first, seat-belts are pretty important when you think about it. Second, sometimes people have it coming to them … it’s called karma.

As of right now, Corzine hasn’t been charged with anything. But, if it were anybody else, would they have been charged? Is there a double standard here? What would be acceptable for Corzine to do at this point? Is an apology all he really needs to give? If he needs to do more, any suggestions?

Save Music!

I know quite a few people wrote about this already, but I’m a huge fan of internet radio. With terrestrial radio for the most part ruined thanks to some big corporations that have limited the “landscape” of variety on this medium, internet radio was an oasis of vibrance. My site of choice is Live 365.com, and it has more than 10,000 radio stations, ranging from Hawaiian music, to old school rap, to garage bands, to mainstream pop … just about any and all forms of music can be found here.

I bought a Roku, which is basically a bridge that goes from your stereo to a router, and brings internet radio to said stereo. It is really awesome, and we listen to it just about every weekend. I’ve discovered such great bands as The Arctic Monkeys (before they became wildly popular), and Electric Six through listening to internet radio. I would’ve never have gotten an appreciation for these bands without it.

Now, congress passed some sort of law that would make internet radio stations pay royalty rates that are about 300% to 1200% higher than they currently are. It would basically cripple the market … with the exception of the large corporations that can afford this … meaning the loss of creativity in music once again. The thought of this makes me vomit in my mouth repeatedly.

Don’t you just hate it when something that is going so well is ruined by big business and politics? This reeks of collusion. If you are interested in finding out more, please go to this story: http://www.ecommercetimes.com/rsstory/57121.html.

What Now?

A normally peaceful Monday night was ruined, thanks to my father-in-law, and his dinosaur of a computer. I received the call from my wife on the way home from work, and as soon as she mentioned that he called, I knew my evening was shot. The man has had the same computer for close to 10 years now, and when he purchased it, it was bottom of the line. The Commodore 64 thinks this computer is slow.

Anyway, the computer has caused him several problems over the past 5 years or so … or should I say that it has caused me those problems. He bought a printer for it a few years ago, and of course, it was a pain in the ass to find drivers that would work with his computer … somehow we figured it out. Then, he somehow “reconfigured” the internet page so that one could no longer type in web addresses (don’t ask). Then, he somehow reset his password to start up the computer, and had no idea what he reset the password to. I’ve been able to remedy all of these “situations,” until this latest issue.

This time, he decided he wanted to switch internet carriers to Verizon … which offers a much faster DSL service. Of course, my wife volunteered me to help install this. I knew this would be no easy task, but since I’m one helluva guy, I agreed to help (like I had a choice).

So, I went over there around 6:30 p.m. The task of installing the dsl modem originally seemed like it would be easy – plug in the modem to the computer, and plug in the phone line into the modem … however, since the computer is older than dirt, there is no Ethernet connection. I figured this wouldn’t be a problem, as I can connect the modem to the computer via the USB connection … and normally this would be fine, but since the father-in-law still has Windows 98, the USB connection did not work … believe me, I tried everything. I even called the Verizon help line, which was even less helpful.

Finally, after a few hours, I proclaimed that I was unable to finish the task. He mentioned that it might be time for him to buy a new computer … however, he later decided that he would just keep the dial-up service … which of course means that I should be getting another call from him at some time in the near future to put out some other fire … I immediately suggested to my wife that she and her brother and sister get together and buy him a new computer .. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Stoppage Time

Just a few thoughts and observations of the weekend:

1. To that ass-clown of a police officer who told us we couldn’t tailgate for the Phillies game – It’s nice to see that you’ve solved all of the crime problems in the city, so that you can focus on the real issue of people having fun prior to an event. The city should be proud to have such dedicated and misdirected people working for the it … I feel safe knowing the city is confident in providing them fire-arms.

2. The NFL draft is way too f-in’ long, and it seems like it’s only getting longer (that’s what she said). When will it stop? Will every team get a full day to make a pick in the first round eventually? Can the draft last an entire month? Is that the goal of the NFL? Ridiculous.

3. The Reverend got more than a little drunk last night at his bachelor party. I think we accomplished our mission – giving him a fun send-off into married life. I’m guessing he probably had a rough Sunday morning/afternoon, but I’m confident it was worth it.

4. So, in preparation for the bachelor party, I ordered tickets for the Phillies game via the phone. We went to the ticket office prior to entering the stadium to pick up the tickets. The guy at the ticket office gave me the tickets – and I took them without looking at them. Thankfully, one of the members of the bachelor party noticed that the tickets were printed for Sunday afternoon – oops! Luckily, the ticket guy agreed to exchange the tickets for the Saturday night game … although, as the game went on, I openly wondered whether or not it would’ve been better to go to Sunday’s game (the Phils lost 11-5 – ugh!).

5. We went to a “gentleman’s” establishment after the game for a few hours … don’t worry ladies, it was a more upscale one. In fact, I got a massage there … a real one … with a fully clothed lady. And it was good … and not in a sexual way, either. Weird.

6. The countdown is on – less than 1 week until the Reverend gets married. The Earth might fall off of its axis.

One Small Step ...

Today I was half-tempted to write about my utter disappointment in the fast-food industry for no longer cheerfully offering ketchup at the drive-thru window, but that will have to be a topic for another post, because this weekend, the Reverend takes another giant step in his journey away from bachelorhood. That’s right, Smokin’s bachelor party takes place this Saturday!

What a journey it has been for Steve in these past few months. Not only has he moved into a house, but he switched jobs (and successfully passed his series 6 and 63 tests with flying colors), AND has been planning a wedding. A normal man probably would’ve gone Michael Jackson (or Alec Baldwin) on us by this point, but not the Rev! He has flourished under the pressure, and now gets to reap the rewards of his labor.

Hopefully, the bachelor party will be a good start to this. It’s not going to be anything elaborate, but seriously, who needs elaborate anyway? As long as we all have a good time, AND WE WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME, that’s all that matters. We’ll start the festivities by tailgating down in South Philly prior to the Phillies game (Uncle Charlie, you MUST win this one for Steve, ok?). Then, we’ll actually go to the game, hang around and act like idiots (something we are very good at), and then take in some “gentleman’s” entertainment at a local establishment of sorts. The alcohol should make this a very smooth event (or not).

So, Steve, the countdown has begun. You have just over a week of freedom left, before you take the plunge. I wanted to personally congratulate you on all you’ve accomplished, and wish you the best to your new future … I’m sure I’ll ramble this many times in a drunken stupor on Saturday night, in between curse words. Enjoy, big guy, this night is yours!

Where the "Streets" Have no Name

As I mentioned before, here is the picture of Milton Street with a friend that was taken last week. Milton Street, as I said before, is the degenerate brother of the current degenerate mayor, John Street.

Being mayor of Philadelphia has many expectations tied to it, one of the major ones is the ability to be corrupt … so much so that it is almost second nature. Pay to play schemes as well as mismanagement of anything and everything run by the city are beyond common-place. Kow-towing to ridiculously powerful unions is a must (hey, they helped you get the union vote – ya gotta keep ‘em happy, right?). This has become so natural and expected over the years.

Thanks to the mayors we’ve had in the past, Camden now has a thriving waterfront that includes a large aquarium, and a very nice indoor/outdoor concert venue … both of which would’ve been welcome additions on the Penns Landing waterfront had it not been for slime-ball mayors who, for one reason or another, did not fight the bloated unions to bring these projects here.

You’ve probably heard of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, right? Ever wonder why it’s located in Cleveland? Again, thank the mayor of Philadelphia for that one, because the original idea was to build this in the City of Brotherly Love … again, ludicrous union demands chased them away. We have a hole in the ground in Center City, which was supposed to be some grand Disney building … yep, you guessed it – our mayor was responsible. Heck, we even had a mayor who bombed his own city in 1985. Folks, I can’t make that one up.

Why am I bringing this up now? Simple – Philadelphia is in the middle of yet another mayoral election, with each candidate (including Milton Street) promising a change. It’s laughable, really. The corruption is overwhelming. The mayor doesn’t even hold the power in the city … it’s all of the other “special interest groups” that feed money to the mayor’s office that hold all the power. Sadly, the inhabitants of the city who vote for mayor don’t really care about credentials. Instead, they vote whatever the unions or their “racial leaders” tell them to vote. So, we’ll end up getting more botched jobs, streets that take forever to fix, and a public transportation system that even Kenneth Lay probably would’ve thought was mismanaged. But, here’s to holding out hope that somebody somehow gets in who actually gives a crap about Philly.

The Weekend of Photos

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this weekend was truly a remarkable one with regards to photo opportunities ... thankfully we had our camera phones, so that we could share these experiences with you! Enjoy:

This absolute classic was taken at a fundraising "casino night" in Delaware. We were in line to cash in our chips, when my wife looked down and saw this sight. In case you don't know what this is, it is an old ladies "rear bumper" with some toilet paper hanging out! Gold!

This guy was tailgating ... which is generally not a big deal if you are at a concert or sporting event. However, this guy was tailgating in the Shop Rite parking lot. My guess is that he drove his wife to the store, and let her shop, while he took in the rays at the supermarket.

Now, we had another pic, but I can't find it. It was of a friend with Milton Street, the degenerate brother of the degenerate mayor of Philadelphia. Oh well - hope these made ya laugh.

Stoppage Time

Couple of interesting things were discussed today that I thought I’d share with you:

1. What’s the deal with those bite sized candy bars? Are they REALLY bite sized? There are far better names that can be used for these ridiculously small pieces of chocolate – we came up with a few:
“Are You Serious” Sized.
“What the Hell is This” Sized
Choke-Sized
“You Must Really Not Like Me” Sized
“Cheap-ass” Sized
Insignificant Sized
“What’s the Point” Sized
Hershey Kiss Sized

2. We were talking about Philadelphia sports, and since the Phillies are doing so poorly right now, people are now focusing on the countdown to Eagles training camp. All we in Philly do is focus on the next team’s training camp countdown, because are teams are perennial losers. So, after week 8 of the Eagles season, we’ll probably be commenting on “pitchers and catchers” again. It is a sick cycle. Woe is me!

3. We had a baby shower at work for one of our coworkers today. Guys were invited to this. We all sat at the same table, and mocked the girls who “Oohed,” and “Ahhed” at the presents being opened. It was nice to partake in eating the wide variety of desserts available to us, but outside of that, this is an event guys really are not made for … now, that being said, I somehow won the “Guess How Many M&M’s are in the baby bottle” contest, guessing 276, with the correct amount being 279. Does this make me gay? I hope not … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In a Word .... Grotesque.

I was once a college student … sure, it’s been more than a dozen years since graduation, but this tragic incident that happened on the campus of Virginia Tech a few days ago affected me a little. For those of you who haven’t heard (I’m basically speaking to my international friends here), there was a shooting at a college campus in Virginia in which a lone gunman killed more than 30 students including himself, physically injuring more than 20 more students, and probably emotionally and mentally injuring countless others.

For me, the University was a safe place to be … except maybe on weekends of home football games where State College became the third largest city in Pennsylvania … but I digress. College life for me was a time to grow up, learn, and socialize (never in that particular order). It was a safe haven for me to do all of those things. Sure, you would hear of the occasional suicide, and as tragic as that may be, it pales in comparison to what took place at Virginia Tech.

I couldn’t even imagine being a parent of a student attending classes there, hearing about this chaotic situation, and not being able to get in contact with my child. Many experienced this yesterday … some faced the realization that one of their very own was a victim in this grotesque occurrence. This nightmare is one they will unfortunately have difficulty waking from for a long time. I pray for them.

What I have trouble understanding is how somebody can take so many other people’s lives along with his/her own. Taking your own life is one thing (and certainly not acceptable), but dragging thirty others with you along with numerous ones who are directly and/or indirectly affected is beyond evil, and I am having trouble formulating the words to describe the anger and sorrow that I have. My hope, as always, is that we learn something from this.

Stoppage Time

Since I’m drawing a blank on what to write about on such a dreary Sunday, I figured I’d share some recent movies, music, and/or entertainment that I’ve encountered:

Band – While on I-Tunes, a suggestion was made to check into a band called K-OS. I’m sure some of you have heard of this rapper/mixer, but being a Philly guy, we don’t have radio stations that expand our music experience (translation – canned reprocessed crap). This is a description of the latest album from the Virgin music website:

Atlantis - Hymns for Disco is k-os most personal album yet, coming off of the near double platinum sales of Joyful Rebellion, k-os takes his music, artistry and message to a new level. With a fine balance of diverse musical sounds, brilliant vocals, and insightful lyrics, he satisfies the longtime "Superstarr P.0" fan yet easily makes the newfound "Crabbuckit" fan feel right at home.

I was so impressed by this, I bought the entire cd – has a very cool mix of 80’s rap sounds, reggae music, some Latin-style guitar stylings, and rock and roll. In one song, he even fuses 50’s Elvis rock with rap … and it works! It is diverse, a more intelligent sound than what Outkast plays, but with the same infectious toe-tappability (is that even a word?). I would recommend having a listen to “Sunday Morning,” as well as “Valhalla.”


Movie – I got a chance to catch that movie “Click” last weekend, starring Adam Sandler … I know, it’s been over a year since it came out, but hey, better late than never. So, anyway, I was expecting a laugh-a-minute comedy, and probably for the first ½ hour, that’s what it was. But, man, did that movie get sad or what? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – in fact, it probably made the movie better from an artistic standpoint. It’s just not the comedy that it was made out to be … probably more of a rom-com … which, as you may know, I love anyway. Certainly a good flick to catch on a date.


Book - The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, by Malcolm Gladwell … yes, even I read books sometimes. This was recommended by a coworker, and once I picked it up, I couldn’t put it down. It

This is a summary that I “borrowed” from Amazon.com. It sums it up better than I ever could:

The premise of this facile piece of pop sociology has built-in appeal: little changes can have big effects; when small numbers of people start behaving differently, that behavior can ripple outward until a critical mass or "tipping point" is reached, changing the world. Gladwell's thesis that ideas, products, messages and behaviors "spread just like viruses do" remains a metaphor as he follows the growth of "word-of-mouth epidemics" triggered with the help of three pivotal types. These are Connectors, sociable personalities who bring people together; Mavens, who like to pass along knowledge; and Salesmen, adept at persuading the unenlightened. (Paul Revere, for example, was a Maven and a Connector). Gladwell's applications of his "tipping point" concept to current phenomena--such as the drop in violent crime in New York, the rebirth of Hush Puppies suede shoes as a suburban mall favorite, teenage suicide patterns and the efficiency of small work units--may arouse controversy. For example, many parents may be alarmed at his advice on drugs: since teenagers' experimentation with drugs, including cocaine, seldom leads to hardcore use, he contends, "We have to stop fighting this kind of experimentation. We have to accept it and even embrace it." While it offers a smorgasbord of intriguing snippets summarizing research on topics such as conversational patterns, infants' crib talk, judging other people's character, cheating habits in schoolchildren, memory sharing among families or couples, and the dehumanizing effects of prisons, this volume betrays its roots as a series of articles for the New Yorker, where Gladwell is a staff writer: his trendy material feels bloated and insubstantial in book form. Agent, Tina Bennett of Janklow & Nesbit.

We Have A Winner!

The Anna Nicole verdict came in today, and “justifiably” there was tons of news coverage that followed. We finally have a winner in the “Who’s Baby Batter Was Strongest” sweepstakes. But there is one minor question that hasn’t been answered yet, and dammit, I gotta know!

Why in tarnations (yet again!) is nobody reporting how much of a slut this humanoid was? I mean, c’mon – people were coming out of the woodwork claiming they were the father, and there were certainly some, at the very least, viable claims. How many people entered her “promised land” exactly at the time? Was it 3, 4, 100? Wouldn’t this be more compelling to talk about instead of making this whole ordeal seem like some sort of game show?

Has our society decayed to this level, and if so, when did it happen? Was it because of that “Achy Breaky Heart” song in the early ‘90’s? Is Simon Cowell behind it? Maybe it’s that Atkins diet fad. Somebody help me here!

The publicity she’s getting pisses me off more than the popularity of NASCAR … and that’s saying something. What’s even more infuriating is that nobody is saying anything negative about her. It even seems like she’s getting more praise than Mother Theresa. I’m at a loss. Instead, we focus on that retard Imus blabbering about a women’s college basketball team? What the hell is going on here?

Please, SOMEBODY, put out a negative story about her … somebody PLEASE belittle her! C’mon – are you telling me that FOX doesn’t have the balls to do something like this???? Just plain ri-gosh-darn-diculous!

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As a follow-up on the Don Imus story, I am appalled that these media stations kow-towed to this “public” outcry commandeered by that butt-nugget Al Sharpton. As a reminder, I do think that what Imus said was stupid, insensitive, and pointless. However, I think MOST people probably don’t even listen to Imus in the first place. And for those who did, I’m sure most probably took it with a grain of salt. However, because of a few people who were able to organize a letter-writing campaign (much like those few blowhards on the religious right like to do), advertisers trembled with fear, and the media stations reacted poorly.

Anyway, I happened to come across this well-written article that sums everything up … and get this – it was written by an African American. Read it, and let me know what you think: http://www.kansascity.com/182/story/66339.html

Imus be Dreaming ...

I don’t think I’ll get much of a counter-argument when I say that Don Imus is an ass-hat. Obviously, his comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team were stupid, short-sighted, and just plain wrong. But, the uproar that he’s receiving, in my mind, is ludicrous. He apologized, and he’s been belittled. I think that is punishment enough.

So, why is it that whenever somebody says something racist and stupid, a.k.a. Michael Richards, do they have to go on the Al Sharpton show and grovel for forgiveness? Seriously, when did this clown fart become the beacon of racial sensitivity? When was the vote held for this? I never got the memo. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

I mean all Sharpton does is have them apologize and call themselves stupid, and THEN he doesn’t even forgive them, and instead asks the public to take a giant dump on them. C’mon, if Sharpton didn’t have these “guests” on his show, who in tarnations (there’s that word again) would give a flying rat’s ass about his radio program? I’m sick of this, I tell ya!

Again, I’m not defending Imus or anything he said. I’ve never listened to the guy before, but I’m pretty sure that’s his schtick … saying controversial things so that people notice. It’s done by most of the popular jocks, including Stern, Hannady, Franken, and people from all political parties.

You know, Sharpton has said more than his share of controversial stuff in his time. What show does he go on to kick himself in the nuts? Does he even have to, and if not, why does he get a mulligan?

Here’s just a few of Sharpton’s shenanigans from the past (thanks to http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=2411):

1987: Sharpton spreads the incendiary Tawana Brawley hoax, insisting heatedly that a 15-year-old black girl was abducted, raped, and smeared with feces by a group of white men. He singles out Steve Pagones, a young prosecutor. Pagones is wholly innocent -- the crime never occurred -- but Sharpton taunts him: "If we're lying, sue us, so we can . . . prove you did it." Pagones does sue, and eventually wins a $345,000 verdict for defamation. To this day, Sharpton refuses to recant his unspeakable slander or to apologize for his role in the odious affair.

1991: A Hasidic Jewish driver in Brooklyn's Crown Heights section accidentally kills Gavin Cato, a 7-year-old black child, and antisemitic riots erupt. Sharpton races to pour gasoline on the fire. At Gavin's funeral he rails against the "diamond merchants" -- code for Jews -- with "the blood of innocent babies" on their hands. He mobilizes hundreds of demonstrators to march through the Jewish neighborhood, chanting, "No justice, no peace." A rabbinical student, Yankel Rosenbaum, is surrounded by a mob shouting "Kill the Jews!" and stabbed to death.

1995: When the United House of Prayer, a large black landlord in Harlem, raises the rent on Freddy's Fashion Mart, Freddy's white Jewish owner is forced to raise the rent on his subtenant, a black-owned music store. A landlord-tenant dispute ensues; Sharpton uses it to incite racial hatred. "We will not stand by," he warns malignantly, "and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business." Sharpton's National Action Network sets up picket lines; customers going into Freddy's are spat on and cursed as "traitors" and "Uncle Toms." Some protesters shout, "Burn down the Jew store!" and simulate striking a match. "We're going to see that this cracker suffers," says Sharpton's colleague Morris Powell. On Dec. 8, one of the protesters bursts into Freddy's, shoots four employees point-blank, then sets the store on fire. Seven employees die in the inferno.

Way to go, Rev! You know what they say about people in glass houses …

Easter Fools...

Looking back to when I was a kid during Easter, I realize the lengths my parents went to pull the wool over my head … and how willing I was to go along with everything. I mean, think about it – we would spend an afternoon painting Easter eggs, and then I would be told that an Easter bunny would come around, take those eggs, and hide them in my yard. Why on Earth couldn’t the Easter bunny just paint the eggs him (or her) self, and then hide them. Certainly, this bunny did not match up to Santa Claus in the least. However, for some reason, I never questioned this, and I still believed in the Easter bunny.

On Easter, when I was young, it rained, so the “Easter Bunny” had to hide the eggs inside the house. I was freaked out by this. How in tarnations (yeah, I used the word tarnations … what are you gonna do about it?) did the bunny get inside in the first place? I was concerned about a bunny getting in the house, but never once concerned about a big fat man with a large bag coming into my house every year. Still, after finding the eggs and Easter baskets filled with chocolate, my fear for the bunny subsided.

But probably the biggest “fear” I had on Easter Sunday was the fear of what kind of suit my mom was going to make me wear to church that day. Far and away my least favorite of these was the tan 3-piece suit she made me put on, on more than one occasion. I looked like a giant pound-cake. Not only that, but the cheap polyester material that the suit was made of, always made sitting through church and Sunday school nearly impossible. I dreaded it. My mom always tried to bribe me by taking me across the street afterwards to Davis’s Trading Post, where I would have to make the tough decision on purchasing baseball cards, Mork and Mindy cards, or a Reggie candy bar. Ah, the memories.

I know, I know – I’ve totally talked about the “bad” side of Easter … not going into the true meaning. But seriously, can you forgive me? I was just a little kid at the time.

Entrance Songs

Part 1:
So, I was listening to the radio the other day, and “Legs” by Z-Z Top comes on. It hits me. I need to write a blog about famous wrestling entrance themes … now, I know … I’ve probably lost half of you, and the other half probably is drunk. Anyway, as many of you know, I am a big wrestling fan … actually, that’s not entirely true … I’m rapidly losing interest in pro wrestling, but that’s not the point of this blog (trust me, it’s not). I’ve decided to put a list of rock songs and see if any of you can remember which wrestler or wrestlers used the song as an entrance theme in the 1980’s. Here goes nothing:


1. Sharp Dressed Man, by Z-Z Top
2. Eye of the Tiger, by Survivor
3. Another One Bites the Dust, by Queen
4. The Boys are Back in Town, by Thin Lizzy
5. Freebird, by Lynard Skynard
6. Rock and Roll is King, by ELO
7. Fight for Your Right to Party, by the Beastie Boyz
8. Bad to the Bone, by George Thorogood (2 guys used this one)
9. We are Family, by Sister Sledge
10. I Need a Hero, by Bonnie Tyler
11. Enter Sandman – Metallica
12. Smooth Operator - Sade
(don’t worry, I’ll give the answers out after you guys and gals respond).

Part 2: If you were a wrestler (c’mon, play along), what would your entrance theme be? I have a couple that I would so love to use. Here they are in no particular order:

Start Me Up – Rolling Stones
TNT – AC/DC
Cum On Feel the Noize – Quiet Riot
Sister Havana – Urge Overkill
I Want it All – Queen

You Snorted What????

Just when I think that my love for the Rolling Stones has reached it’s apex, I read an interview with Keith Richards in which he states that the weirdest thing he’s ever snorted was his father’s ashes (mixed with a little blow). My god, this guy is probably the most hard-core rocker that has ever lived. Rob Zombie thinks this guy is crazy. Check out the interview here: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8O9AFO01&show_article=1.

Keith Richards has been probably the most outspoken member of the Stones, and if trouble isn’t out to find him, he’s probably out looking for it. But, that’s what endears me (and millions upon millions of others) to him and the band.

I’ll share a few of my favorite Keith stories for ya … just because I feel like it. Probably his funniest “recent” one was after Elton John released “Candle in the Wind” for the umpteenth time after Princess Diana passed away. When asked about this, Richards said something along the lines of, “Well, I hope for everyone’s sake, no more famous blondes die, so we don’t have to hear that song again.” Elton John, upset by Keith’s comments, said something along the lines of, “Why are we even listening to this drug addict.” Richards responded, “This, coming from a drug addict.”

When asked about the death of George Harrison, Richards retorted (again, my own words), “It’s a shame that the wrong two Beatles had to die.” I’m guessing Sir Paul was none too pleased with his assessment. And, I’m pretty sure nobody even bothered to ask Ringo about this.

I found a website that has a bunch of classic Keith Richards quotes – I figure I’d borrow from it (http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/keith_richards/). Enjoy:

1. “I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.”
2. “If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.”
3. “I never thought I was wasted, but I probably was.”
4. “I only get ill when I give up drugs.”
5. “You've got the sun, you've got the moon, and you've got the Rolling Stones”
6. “Whatever side I take, I know well that I will be blamed.”
7. “Rock and Roll: Music for the neck downwards.”
8. “The king is the man who can.”
9. “Mick has to get up in the morning with a plan. Who he's going to call, what he's going to eat, where he's going to go. Me, I wake up, praise the Lord, then make sure all the phones are turned off. If we were a mum-and-pop operation, then he'd be Mum.”
10. “If you don't know the blues, ... there's no point in picking up the guitar and playing rock and roll or any other form of popular music.”
11. “It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere.”
12. “It's an addiction, ... and addiction is something I should know something about.”
13. “Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.”